★reporting directly to the owner (roxidoo) wrote in thirtysixth,
★reporting directly to the owner

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longfic is long. and silly.

Title :: Too Early For Christmas
Characters :: Azazer, Roxas, Ion and others from the musehouse.
Word Count :: 1165
Rating :: PG-13. It's all about the innuendo. 8D
Notes :: Uhhhh okay, so. This just kinda popped into my head at work a few weeks ago. It's a stupid kind of funny but I was smiling all through writing it. XDD; Lotsa dialogue here.

"What. The hell."

The blond Nobody stopped walking and gawked at the back door of the muse house. Kairi suggested he go home early tonight, and he was not expecting an enormous red and white wreath to be hanging from the entryway. Almost angrily, he pushed the door open and walked inside.

Which wasn’t any better.

Granted, the kitchen didn’t look quite like a holiday supply warehouse yet, but small strings of lights, jingle bells and glass snowflakes had woven themselves into the usual décor. Roxas glanced at Azazer, who was intently reading something in the next room over. He crossed the threshold into the living room and approached the seemingly unfazed security guard.

“What’s going on?” He asked. Azazer looked up at him with raised eyebrows and made a noncommittal sound in response.

“The miss has started decorating early this year!” Chirped Archimedes from the adjacent sofa. “I was the one who had to hang the decorations that are up really high.”

“That’s all well and good, but… You know, it’s sort of still October.” Roxas sat on the edge of the couch, still glancing uneasily around the room. He didn’t like the way that penguin ornament was looking at him.

“Her workplace started early, so I suppose it’s just contagious.” Azazer said, sliding his book onto the coffee table.

“Don’t be so disappointed, Roxas! I think it gives the whole house such a nice feel.” Archimedes said as he stretched out his wings. “And I’m sure she won’t decorate your room yet if you ask her not to!”

“Let’s hope not.” The young Nobody muttered, standing. He just started to turn and begin ascending the stairs when his head collided with something prickly and green.

“Ow -- !” He exclaimed, rubbing at his eyes furiously before opening them again. He came face to face with what looked like a Katamari ball, had the object been to roll through the random wilderness, as it hung from the doorway leading to the stairs. “What in the world is that?!”

“Oooh! Hey Roxas, isn’t that mistletoe?” Ion said in awe, coming in from the kitchen.

“It’s not exactly romantic, if it is.” He still touched his face delicately, making absolutely sure no pine needles had imbedded themselves in his flesh.

“No, it’s much too big to be only mistletoe. I believe it’s something like a Christmas pomander.” Azazer tilted his head in order to get a better look at the object in question, and noticed more than one pair of eyes staring at him incredulously.

“… Huh?” Archimedes questioned.

“A pomander. They’re also called ‘kissing balls’. They work something like a natural air freshener; made from pinecones and branches of once-living evergreen trees and -- ”

“Wait, wait, wait. Perhaps I heard you incorrectly, but did you just say ‘kissing balls’?” Dist questioned, to which the security guard nodded. Roxas snorted and had to turn away to compose himself.

“You accentuate the first word.” Azazer hissed sternly, shooting the Nobody a glare that could potentially frighten a wildcat. “It’s quite the interesting tradition.”

“So is it like mistletoe, then?” Archimedes asked, leaning forward and listening intently. His eyes were wide with curiosity as he shifted his gaze between the kissing ball and his house mate.

“Basically. Mistletoe itself is actually quite toxic, so the kissing ball was invented in order to reduce the chances of anything bad happening with having it inside a home.”

“Azazer, you seem to know an awful lot about this.” Ion chimed in. The eldest muse started to say something, but quickly changed his mind and looked away. Phrasing this correctly was not going to be an easy task.

“You’re always doing tons of research, is that how you know so much?” Offered Archimedes.

“Well, you could say that -- ”

“Perhaps it’s only because Azazer has had much past experience with kissing balls.” Dist announced, idly circling the rim of his coffee mug. Suddenly, he wished he hadn’t said it. “Ah, I mean, that is to say -- !”

But it was too late. Azazer hid his face in his hands as a wave of laughter passed through the room. Roxas stepped back from his path to the stairway, positively shaking with amusement.

“That is what the rumors say~” The blond sniggered. “You never did finish telling me that story about the night at the karaoke bar…”

“Ohhh, and that must be why Lias comes over so often.” Archimedes said in quiet awe, covering his mouth with his hand at the distinctly adult turn the conversation was taking.

“Azazer, what’s your secret~?” Dist added. He rested his chin in his palm and waited for a response, but the security guard dropped the topic.

“It’s not like that! I thought we were talking about Christmas decorations here -- ”

“We were, but apparently there are more important discussions to be had!” Roxas leaned against the wall, surveying the room and looking pleased. He suddenly flushed almost as deeply as Azazer when he realized Ion was still there, listening with a shocked expression. “Oh, uh, Ion…”


“Sorry you had to, um. Hear that.” Roxas apologized, but the emerald-haired boy shook his head with a smile.

“That’s okay! Actually, Azazer, I really would like it if you could teach me everything you know later. I want to be as skilled with kissing balls as you are!” Ion approached Azazer’s seat, but jumped and froze in his place when his housemates cried a collective “What?!”

“Exactly what would you like to know?” The eldest muse said calmly, looking down into Ion’s wide eyes.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to divulge your secrets here, but if you’re as good as everyone says you are, I’d like to serve as something like your apprentice. I mean, it makes perfect sense! You‘ve been around longer than any of us, of course you‘d know the most about it.” The small Fon Master’s grin never wavered as he sat on the edge of the coffee table. There was a horribly awkward silence for more than a few minutes.

“So you…” Azazer began, trying to discreetly fan away the warmth of his embarrassment. “You want me to teach you?”

“Mmhm! I’ll even go out to get the pine branches, if you’d rather stay in here where it’s warm.”

A cumulative sigh of relief.

“You mean this whole time, you… Oh.” Azazer rubbed his forehead, for once thankful for the boy’s naïveté. “Yeah, go ahead and collect some branches from outside if you want, and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“Okay~!” Ion squeaked and left the room in a rush, leaving the others to recover from what had just transpired. Azazer stood up, taking his book and giving the room a final glance. He walked towards the kitchen door when Roxas shot him a final remark.

“You don’t know anything more about that kind of kissing ball, do you?”

The large book collided with the back of his head.


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